THE FAULT IN OUR CARS: Bad Drivers Rule The Road

Ok, bad drivers.  You win.

Your common sense and decency cannot be appealed to, so I will not bother addressing the texting while driving, tailgating, excessive speeding or general disregard of traffic laws. I understand now that some double lines are just meant to be crossed, just as leaving the house early is the first step toward fascism. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to change at this point, especially considering how ineffective all those tickets have been.

No, this is for the rest of us. Here are a few ideas for our future in traffic:

Green Horns
At the beginning of every green light, everyone should give a nice long lean on the horn. That way, it’ll awaken the poor souls that are wrapped up in intense drama over text messages. I mean, we have to do our part. Let’s hope they can properly express themselves at the next red light before the horn chorus begins again.

Got Your Back
Now, this one is important. We’re talking safety here. If you ever find yourself being tailgated, and that’s pretty much anyone who’s not driving 20 miles above the speed limit, then you should engage your hazard lights. That way, the person behind you is aware that you’re currently seeing a dangerous situation and will carefully slow down to find out what’s causing the problem. People are just courteous like that, I guess.

Pass Not Pass
If you find yourself behind someone that’s driving well below the speed limit, here’s a simple technique to deploy. Accelerate into the next lane in a fast manner, and then immediately take your foot off the gas. The car that was in front of you will reach break neck speeds to ensure you do not pass them… for some reason. Casually return back to the clear lane.

Not On Your Side
If you’re in the left lane, stay close to the left side. Right side, same thing on right side. If you’re in the middle, swerve back and forth from side to side. This will give distracted drivers enough room to find that exclamation point without inconveniently striking your car in the next lane. Left laners need to watch for the center turning lane as well, in both directions, as whomever enters it first will turn it into a personal autobahn for half a mile.

Cool Story Bro
Of course, the only way to deal with bad drivers is to stop letting them tell you how much fun they had getting tickets. As long as they have these strange badges of dishonor to push as life prizes, they will be out there collecting them like Pokemon.

What's the worse thing you've seen on the road?
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